Sometimes i trip on how happy we could be ..

The so called boyfriend that i have wants to join the army. He wants me to wait for him yet he still continue's to flirt with any other girl like what he is giving is nothing important like it's nothing to me.

I feel like somethings breaking me or maybe it is a deep jealously but it's breaking me tormenting while i sit here waiting for him, till we can talk , i close my eyes and think:
'not that long, it will be ok.'
War i thought couldnt be that bad, but i think , i would never in my life want anything to happen to him.. because i would lose him and i would lose part of me and i would never be ok again.
He doesnt think of what i am going to do when he dies, when he is hurt knowing everyday that something could happen to him. The fact that he hasnt told his family that i am the only one who knows puts pressure on me in ways you couldnt imagine .

And everytime i see him , i try to find the right words to say , to make him stay. So that he doesnt leave..me his family, his friends and everything we have.

Fighter

We all have some where inside of us have knowledge of the things around us. We have the strength to do what needs to be done. The strength to move one, to let go of the past. I've to realize that many people you trust can't be trusted , they dont tell you the whole truth . I dont like the truth to be cut down in little pieces ,half of it be told and half hidden , you either say it or you don't.

So when someone says the greatest gift you can give them is your trust and confidence that's great, but some people can never return back to the way things used to be. You make a mistake you must live that.
And those that are hurt , like me, have become stronger and have forgot about their pains and are wiser and don't plan on looking back.

because the restless dreams of youth have come to an end you have become stronger , wiser and so much more. Those mistakes that you made in the past depending on people who werent there for you and putting confidence in those who could not be trusted they have taught you a lesson. For that I must say thank you and nothing else.

A new chapter begins.

" Know who your true friends and family are, and stay and depend on the people who really love you."

It's So Hard to Say goodbye

Don’t you know I miss you
Don’t you know I care
Don’t you know If I had million years
I still wouldn’t have enough time to spare

I want you to come home
I want you to come back

Please don’t make me do this
To have to say goodbye
I see you leaving me
Every time I blink

Im part of you and youre part of me
Parts of us will be missing

Please explain to me how it’s best for us
When it was your decision

I don’t want to feel this way
I want you to make me smile

To fell my arms around you again
It would make it all worthwile

just. please.

don't do this.

i dont know how to say it any other way
to help you understand
but know that i'm doing the best i can.

Growing up. old and away

Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.

-Alice Walker

It seems that way too many times before ive expected things from people. Often i realized that i have wanted things from people that they can't give. I've made it obvious that i have wanted something and you think, maybe they just don't want the same things and you give up. Don't expect him to always call you back or to always tell you the truth. Or to tell you that they love you in the most random moments; or that they are going to join the army,

He took me by such suprise i dont understand why someone would want to leave and go fight in a war. It's not a joke i said when people die every day

but some people like living on their toes, and those people sometimes dont see the dangers in life , but he's never been like that. And i dont want him to leave, i dont want to have to see him walk away and never come back.