Sometimes i miss how easy life used to be. There weren't boys then it was just be and my friends and family. Then when i came to this school i like a guy full out in the open for the first time. I was always in open relationships most of the time because i didn't want to get hurt. I know it's cowardly but I have seen my mom , my sister , my friends get hurt in relationships and i did not want that to happen to me. So i always ended up finding something wrong with the person or being afraid to like them because i worried about what people would say.
But my heart it was hurting because I put myself out there and i allowed myself to like someone without worrying. In those months I was so happy , every single day seeing him , i would just smile. He is one of the nicest people I know, and I had so many long talks with him that I can't even remember what they were about. He gave me that comfortable feeling like he would protect and i guess i needed that . But when came down to it, a relationship was not what he wanted, he loved our friendship and me but not in that way. I saw myself with him all the time so it has been two months now and I don't think I will ever get over it but i am moving on.
In the beginning i was angry , upset and then my heart would hurt everytime i saw him but now i realize if i want the pain to go, then i must let him go.
My friend told that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional and i am trying to turn my wounds into wisdom but it's hard seeing him everyday. I would be so much easier if he didn't want to be such close friends but someday it will get better. It has to.
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