A Prayer

Met a guy who had the same wide , dimpled smile like my older brother. It made me think of how long it's been since I have seen him, heard from him, thought of him. When someone leaves and it is to painful to think about it, your brain just represses that memory,so things can be easier.
I wrote two cards today, one for him and one for an old friend. My mom came to me the other day and told me that she had cancer. I sat alone at the table and did not say anything , what was I supposed to say? Why are there so many people in my life who have cancer, why are so many people sick or dying? What I am supposed to say to make them feel better, what do I tell myself to make me feel better? There isn't anything and that is what hurts the most, knowing that pain is coming and there is nothing you can do to stop it. So when I walked into the hospital, I stood there at the foot of the bed and prayed for her life, hoping that she would fight through this.. and win.

let's take a five...

I spent the weekend in New York again, I stayed up all night and for once did not sit up stressing about homework, that next test , or college or any of it. I had .. fun ! It was great. I miss my family from down there and my friends. Lucien took me out with some friends and we ate out and went to the city and just stayed up all night talking, driving, doing whatever we felt like doing. When 6:30 rolled around and the sun came up we all went outside and sat down on the benches huddled together to watch the sunrise. It was beautiful, one of those moments where nobody needs to say anything because everyone is thinking the same thing. I tore my eyes for a moment to stare at him and I smiled and thought 'mine, mine, mine.'

But now I am back home and it is all school, study, volunteer, work, the same thing over and over again. Aie! Two more weeks and new york here I come..

Sans toi.

           I watched the movie, 'Me Without You' today instead of starting my homework. Absolutely loved it, and wondered.. could I imagine myself without you? No... no I don't think I can; it would hurt too much. Couldn't possibly everbe without you and be alright, it just doesn't make sense to me. Right?  I've recently picked up sowing.. I have also checked 'Wuthering Heights' by Emily Bronte out of the library, it seems to be the most depressing book I have ever read and its horribly confusing. I love sowing though, it takes my mind off of the troublesome things in my life.

please. ease. stress. YES! no. I cannot bear, wait yes I can, up down all around , in a jffy. 'Yeah mom? COMINGGGG.'
OMG, guess what?'
'bitch, can't fu..' 'hey, whats up?'
'my head hurts...ooh look he is so fine.'
'RACHEL, FOCUS!'

'Uh Mr. Guinness? Oh um the radius is 5 andthe center is (0,0).

yeah this is my head everyday, random thoughts megan told me today that sometimes i have a really short attention spand. I do, I know it.