never gonna break, never gonna break.

These past few months have been... for me. I've done things with friends and kept those memories inside my head, smiling when reminded of them. I don't write as much and I don't really want to anymore. The important details i'll remember. au revoir blogger.com

printemps.

It's been a while. Springtime; college decisions; graduation talk; jobs; stress. Then Gabrielle came, ahh the french exchange students were amazing and funny, their school and culture is so completely different. We could have passed for sisters, not in looks but how ridiculous and strange we both are. I miss all of them. I'm starting to miss things that haven't even happened yet. Going to the beach with friends, graduation parties, walking out of wachu for the last time. It used to seem so far away but now it is undeniably close. I'm ready, yeah I know I am. That's what makes it all so exciting, i know what i want , i know who i am and i love it so much.
** Gabrielle and I both love Adele like no other so here's to her.

Amities.

I've never been big on friendships because I never liked getting close to people. I always thought in the back of my mind that it was weird and I would have to deal with it sometime, but this year is different. There is so much that I value , appreciate and love right now. There are people and little moments that I want to stay in my mind forever.
 I recently saw a friend in a car accident and it just put a lot of things in perspective for me. Everything we doesn't go the way expect and that is when we need friends the most, to be there for us and help us move forward. I helped someone do that, I was there for them and I realized then that if anything happened to me, I could depend on her also. I keep writing everything down, quotes from Tarmey, moments that made me laugh, special events of the week, because it all feels so important.
Hopefully 4 and half more months of this before I go away to college. On peut que esperer.

12:03 minutes.

I had a dream that we were in Ireland. Our house was just across the border and we drove an hour there and would lay on the hills and watch the sky, a real night sky with stars and everything. We lifted our hands and traced patterns in the sky until they got tired then we held each others. Other people were spread out there too. I wanted to call me mum and tell her we'd be back in just a bit but she wouldn't understand. aha, no she wouldn't.
but you do. right?

ma ligne de chance

ah, oui
pierrot le fou has taken over my winter
college is around over there             somewhere
vacation. wharold- j'ai vu ce que t'avait ecrit. tu me manques garcon

what is it that i want
to do, accomplish.
yoga ladies say breathe, focus on that
mais ma tete, ne peut pas


ici
les aventures d'une fille folle.

aussi, l'universite m'a dit
oui.

ringing it in.

"hahahha you are such a bitch rachel, you can't say that ."
i don't mean to be, i need to filter. i hate the fact that i don't. am I really honest or rude or both?



alex is leaving for brazil but I can't see him until he comes back next year; he's me best fraynd and i'm gonna find out whether I got into college december 25 and he won't be here for me to talk to. What am I gonna do?
et alone i am again.

B&n2

b&n round 2 , tori parham
smells of cough-ee
hershey kiss
give me something nice
writing..
--
poetry?  hah! no, a critque.
but alas, the confusion has settled in
and i am more afraid
then anything
because what happens
if i ruin it?
      

intoxicated.

I love the chase; the journey to get what I want. There are always ups and downs but i keep going because i want to have fun. This one has been going on a while and I'm almost there. I have this feeling that it's gonna be so sweet,
like a kiss
on a collarbone.

bitchin'

Yeah so the boy I like is white. Big fucking deal.  It's how I feel , it's (he's) what I want.  Why do they care so much?

On the upside, senior year has been pretty great. Wachusett isn't the best but it's growing on me.

                                                                                   ♥

I LOVE COLLEGE.

naht. but asher roth is kind of hot in that video.

FINISHED ALL MY COLLEGE SHIT SAY WHAAAAAAT. I want to go to a dance party and just be so happy cause i'm done with stresssss. oh homecoming is this weekend? SENIORSSS 11!!

disappointment,

I shouldn't care; but I do , and it hurts.

i'd prefer not to.

and to emilaaay g, thanks for listening.

getsome. and then ..

Wally had this dream about this kid and me. I don't even know what to say about it but it's been on my mind. Lalala you've been on my mind oh boy.
I sassed Thaddeus today when he told me texting and driving was bad then he asked me if people text in class and i was gave him a sad look , "Thaddeus I know you're a teacher at a school and you're probably a good  one but most people text even if it's not important, don't take it personally."
Then he said " well if i could have  gotten away with playing Tetris in highschool I would've..."
"Thaddeus what's Tetris?"
"um.. nothing , I guess I'm getting old.."

Ah, my generation.

all over again.

I picked her up from school and she got in the car and said plainly "Mrs. -- is dying." Then she changed the subject and continued talking as if what she said wasn't important. Fuck, just damn it. The doctors said that she'd pulled through; They said she was getting better, now she's dying. In middle school she gave out these inspirational quotes and she had such a positive spirit that you couldn't help but smile. I lost someone this past month and I thought no more bad things would happen for a while; sometimes life is just complete shit but after a while it gets better , this is not better. Not at all. 

 

stay gold ponyboy, stay gold

I've got things to say, so many things but they're mostly complaints so upside of life lately... Class trip option with an overnight stay sounds pretty awesome; Thaddeus wants me to play at a Jazz Bar and I'm scared but excited; I like my senior photos; tutoring; the fam's getting back together.

All this college work and life planning makes me think of seventh grade where i would come home and just read for hours on my bed and fall asleep with a book in my hands. The list of books I want to read is piling up, I want there to be more time in each day..

Music love: Mr. Bernard's been playing songs in bio while we do labs and I'm starting to love 50's & 60's music all over again.
Little Richard- Tutti Frutti

gros bisous.

Des choses.
1.  chuck lorre productions- he has a little "dear diary" letter after every show he creates finishes on cbs, I have tivo so I finally caught it and read it. He's funny.
2. college apps- they suck but it is kind of exciting and cool to picking out my future.
3. piano- music theory class plus jazz lessons
4. waaally @ school and catch up sessions with lucena.

5. dancing barefoot in the streets of princeton . 

Slate passed away two weeks ago. My parents went down to Jamaica for the funeral and I just remember him as this strong man who was the head of the family that kept us all going. He used to have this farm tucked away on the east side of St. Ann. When all of his kids moved away he started selling the animals and the land and now only the sugar cane fields and one cow remain. I got scared after he died, I thought the whole family would fall apart; greed would take over and everyone would bring up the past and act like wild animals fighting for who gets what and who has the right.
My mum came back different, she had all these new ideas of what we should do as a family.
I gave her this look, the one where I smile and nod at an idea but I know it won't happen and it makes me hurt inside. Everyone who's listening knows that it's just talk but we chime in and say " yeah, that sounds real nice," anyways.

 I went for a two hour walk through my neighborhood ,  Fall in Massachusetts is damn beautiful. I took cell pics though so it kind of sucks.