hi. i miss you.

Today is the supposed sweet sixteen. I was supposed to go away with Lucien and friends for the weekend in New York, but my parents did not let me go. I would not have been upset if they wanted me stay so I could have a family day with them. What I did today was not even remotely close to fun. I woke up and it felt like any other day.

I woke up, went to the RMV in Leo's minster(i always say it like that , i dont know why.) It was 8:50 the place did not open for another ten minutes, yet there was 30 people in line already. I sat on the sidewalk, slapped on my shades, and opened Walden and began my dreaded summer reading. I lost concetration after the first page and stood against the light pole and put in my earphones.
I thought about this past year in school and how completely different it was from the one before it. When I think back to the first year, I get so mad at myself. I can't figure out how I was so stupid and screwed up my freshman year over .. well things that are not important anymore. I always always think about things before I do them when it comes to things like this. Yet, I just, saw it went for it and had no idea what I was doing. I promised myself to never to do it again, to apologize , make peace, change and I tried and I feel as if I was somewhat successful.
It is one of those things that I do not expect to happen to me again. When you like someone but you don't realize it how much, when all you used to do was think about them and smile and you heard yourself talking about them all the time and you could not stop. Even though you knew people would get annoyed because it was the only thing you could talk about. I cringe when I think about it, but this year I was laid back , did better in school, made more friends and actually got somewhere.
I applied for a summer program and I am off to D.C on the 12th. I am not excited, I never am about huge things like this. For other people, they would flip, and think it was the chance of a lifetime but situations like this do not make me happy. Simple things make me happy, like, Lucien. He makes me happy, when he calls at anytime to just hello, or tell me some random thing that was on his mind no matter how unimportant it is. I like the little things, like how he knew I would want a gift certificate to a book store than to go out to a fancy restaurant. Even though I had the worst birthday ever, his words when he rang the phone five minutes ago just made me smile. I sat reading on the steps and watched the phone ring for a few seconds before I picked it up. "hola,te echo de menos rachel,"he says. I smiled, looped the braid in my hair around my finger and said ' i miss you too.'